Starting this blog was a huge leap of faith for me. I didn’t think I’d get more than ten people reading this blog. There are now 500 of you who follow it. Only the Lord could have made this possible! Thank you for giving me the time and effort to bother to read, comment, share and follow. I am now going to give this blog the attention it deserves. This is the main focus of 2018, but it begins now. Don’t be alarmed if things change, such as the layout or the way you move around on the site. I’m toying around with whether I should change the site name or if I will have a new one. Decisions, decisions.
Speaking of decisions…
Some decisions have been made toward our future, and they are solidly planted. Since the choices have been made, there’s no anxiety, no nervousness, nothing other than peace. Since we’re supposed to be led forth with peace, this is a good thing. All systems are go!
But that ain’t all I wanted to talk about. As with most things on this site, it all circles back to my relationship with the Lord, and how I live my life within that reality. With this being the beginning of the week after Thanksgiving, I find myself assessing relationships, life goals, yanno, the things that are really important in my own life. I have realized life is much more than working, eating, breathing and sleeping.
If we’re being honest, Thanksgiving week was altogether an uninspiring and frustrating experience. It started out with me nearly leaving my job (as in quitting), having some health issues (hormonal imbalances, a first-time – and last time – anxiety attack, and a horrible sore throat that resulted in not being able to talk for most of Thanksgiving day), and a light bulb moment in church today.
Lemme backtrack. I couldn’t really hear God in the way I had become accustomed to in the last two weeks. I was so overstimulated, overwhelmed and defeated, I couldn’t give God time to hear from Him. Was I able to relay messages and provide answers to others easily? Yes. I was able to allow the Lord to use me to answer people, but yet, I wasn’t still enough to hear beyond surface stuff for myself. It was strange, and in that moment, I understood how people will be denied entrance into eternal rest with the Father, with them saying “Lord, Lord, I did all this stuff for you…” and Him saying, “depart from Me, I never knew you. (Matt 7:22-24) “. I can totally see how that will happen. I am determined, however, not to let that be me.
Today, during the praise and worship portion of church service, I heard from the Lord, and clearly, for the first time in about a week or two. I kept trying to get into his presence in the way I am used to doing, and the Lord finally said: “You aren’t worshipping Me.” I was truly perplexed.
He then said (knowing I was confused), “You want to worship Me here, but the singing and reaching out for My presence isn’t the worship from you I seek. Going to work every day, submitting to My authority…that’s worship. Working where I have called you…that’s worship. Spending time, giving your time to serve others in any capacity, even when inconvenient to you…that’s worship. Worship is not rushing through prayers with your four-year-old. Worship is washing dishes without complaint, even though your husband repeatedly leaves them for you. Worship is praying even when your husband falls asleep. Worship is listening even when you feel justified and know you are right.”
*Sigh*. I know.
I wanted to fall on the floor and cry, beg forgiveness right there in the sanctuary, third-row center. It wasn’t time for that. But it was time for an assessment and some changes. It was revealed to me I was having frustration in general because I have not been working in my purpose. I keep trying to hang on to old things, to force them into working, when the Lord is showing me he’s doing something new.
Do you know the Lord gives you grace for the seasons in your life? This includes your occupation, your area of service or ministry, the patience needed to raise your children, even the mantle of being a spouse. There is grace for EVERY season, and God’s grace is sufficient. That being said, some seasons are lifetime, others cyclical and others still are truly for a brief duration. Grace for certain situations and people in my life has run out because that season is now over. I never thought some things would come to this, but now that I recognize it, I will not look back. I have, however, asked God to be gracious enough to allow me transition time, which to the wise, includes planning.
Make no mistake about this folks, this is deep water, and the water I’m being asked to walk on is indeed in the midst of a storm. I have been bid to come to this place many times, and many times, I stayed on the ship. This time, I can’t. This ship is too small, the quarters too tight, and it’s not big enough to support me. I have to get out of the boat and walk. I can’t turn back because there’s nothing for me there. Where I am being asked to go isn’t easy. Then again, since when has anything the Lord ever asked us to do been within our scope, or fit neatly into our capacities and capabilities? Never. It never has. It never is, and never will be. He wants our implicit, explicit and complete trust in His ability. His ability to get us where we’re going and to arrive at the destination safely. That doesn’t mean it won’t be fraught with peril. The best action flicks are full of impossible odds and exploits. Somehow, the heroes and heroines are able to keep at it and complete the mission, even if they have setbacks. Same with us.
Anyway, avoiding His call only results in extreme frustration and long winding roads back to the same spot you started in. The Lord is incredibly patient and will keep leading you back to ‘Start’ until you are able to maintain the path, as well as the pace He has set. He knows we will be bumped, make false starts, and veer off the path at times, but He walks with us each step of the way until we are in the correct destination.
Since the grace for this season is lifting, and I (and our family) have been given the next marching orders, it’s time to pack it up and go on to the next mission. I am able to graduate, only because Daddy thinks its time, and I’m up for the next challenge. What about you? Do you feel a tugging telling you your stint at this station is now done? Tell me about it.